My heart goes out to you. I give you soo much credit for giving up your baby. I do know what it is like to have a family member chemically ddependent. It is a difficult time. It takes every ounce of strenght you have--physically, mentally, emotionaly and spiritually. My prayers are with you. I truly wish that I lived closer to you. Luigi would love a sibling. You are not a horrible mommy, you are a wonderful mommy and couragous and loving. You are putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own, it takes a truly special person to do what you are about to do.
