Oh wow. Your poor thing. Your friend died and you told no-one in your family?!
How awful for you!! Of course you shouldn't feel bad about being gay. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's just a sexual and to some extent a lifestyle choice - there is categorically nothing wrong with it and you are certainly not a 'freak'! I know things are different in America but personally I believe gay people should be allowed to get married and they do here in England without so much as anyone batting an eyelash. Being able to love like that is not just confined to the relationship between men and women and you should have the right to have a special day for your family. Do they know you're gay? It's a shame there are so many narrow-minded idiots in the world who dictate their values on other people. I know the choice to be gay is a very different one but you are 100% right in that it is your life and you must live it the way it makes you happiest. Being happy is such a rare thing in this world so if you can find the chance to grab some, then you must. You shouldn't feel bad about letting out your feelings here. I'm sure everyone thinks the world of you and you sound pretty fabulous to me. Don't let them get you down, love xxx