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Originally Posted by Lovetodream88  When I had just turned 13 I was hospitalized for a weekend. Sadly when I was diagnosed at 8 there wasn’t a big thing of treating children so nothing really started until I was 13. My grandmother has significant mental illness and had been hospitalized at least once when she was much younger and I think before my mother was born. My grandmother refuses to get help so I’m having to live with dealing with my own mental illness but try to live dealing with her extreme depression and it’s hard. I have messaged my therapist with hopes of restarting, she has her own office by herself and has started a sanitizing system. My other doctors right now are ok doing telephone and virtual appointments for now. |
Oh, honey! Don't depend on grandmother or anyone else. You need to tell someone that you are so depressed you are having suicidal thoughts, even going out in public to try to help yourself feel better when you are so nervous/phobic you cannot bear to wear a mask, then coming home a potential carrier of this disease o pass the germs to your family, for all you know. Thinking of killing yourself over the temporary isolation of quarantining is far from normal and shows you need to tell someone about this who can get you help tonight.
Unless you reach out immediately and connect with someone who actually recognizes you are in real pain and suffering and cares enough to get you help now, you are at great risk. Just the fact that you've thought of ending your very life over a temporary situation that won't last, will one day pass, shows you are suffering. But there could be more, worse diseases in the future than Covid-19, possibly more deadly so you must be able to cope with the future. Don't settle for anything but someone who can get you help for the pain you are in now, before it kills you! Just Google Suicide Help Line for your city and reach out right now, make yourself do it and don't take "no" or "I'm too busy sanitizing my office to see you during a crisis time for you"! That's akin to malpractice, if not the very definition of it if you shared your true feelings with that therapist and got the brush off!
You need to find real help, someone with the skills to help you, medicate you if necessary to help change any bad brain chemistry, calm your fears, help you learn real coping skills, how to modify your behavior and your thinking in a way that can help to change your outlook on life. There is so much help out there, people who truly care, eager to help. The brain itself is so elastic, so capable to creating new, different, better pathways for our thoughts if we know what to do to start the process off, perfect it day by day as we practice new thinking, get real care our minds and bodies need. Medication with skilled counseling and learned coping skills this day and time are all also often an eventual cure for many.
No one should be left to suffer as you are, alone, depressed, suicidal thoughts at times. It's beyond me how you've been allowed to get this down living with family and around friends unless you are skilled and adept at hiding all of this from them somehow. Anyone that clever can learn to change, given the correct help and pathways.
If you can't bring yourself to do it, send me a message with your city and I'll find you someone to connect with, a person with the training, knowledge and background who will know how best to assess you and decide the best course of action for you now. If at first we don't succeed, keep trying, calling, insisting on help! I'll send you a message with my phone number now if you'd rather call me. Don't wait on this, Taylor. Act to get help tonight - at least make the first call and take it from there. Deal?