I can understand that you wanna vent here because of your frustrations! We've all been through that wanna-tear-your-hair-out frustration. Just make sure not to take it out on your kiddos
About the accidents...it seems that it might be due to the amount of space they have access to? With two, you really need two pairs of eyes to watch them. Because as soon as you're cleaning up after one, the second could be off doing something else! If you can somehow block them off in an area where there's nothing for them to chew except for their toys, you might have less stress?
About the puking...I always feel sorry for my babies when they throw up. I always pick them up to cuddle and tell them "aw, it's okay...don't worry, you're going to be okay". I pick them up because, I don't want them to eat it. I comfort them because the involuntary action of puking is very uncomfortable whether for humans or for dogs.
I'd focus on training the leave it command. I've been finding it so useful. Everyday after we come home from our multiple potty walks, I make my two sit before I take off their leash. After the leash is off, I tell them to sit and remain sitting. Then they get a treat.
Now that they know this is the routine, they know to sit patiently for a treat (instead of darting off past me with their dirty paws). Instead of just feeding the treat to them, I put the treat on the floor with the "leave it" command. I've been doing this for a few weeks now. The treat I've been using for this is Merrick's Lamb lung fillets (broken up into finger nail sized pieces).
To my surprise, "leave it" has been sort of working on our walks too! When I use the "leave it" command when they wanna sniff something, pick up something, or start barking at another dog, they stop sooner than they would have before. I think it's well worth it to continue to train this (for my babies anyway).
Anyway. It seems most of your frustration is because you've got two to train. That's why many recommend getting a second after your first is somewhat well trained. It's just a lot easier on yourself. Hang in there. It's not impossible, just takes a little extra time and patience.