That is one of the problems some adoptees have. They are often told how lucky they are, how blessed, how grateful they should be. No one says this to a child who's parents have died, and they then have to be raised by someone else. Yet to the child the loss can be similar. The difference is how the child is allowed to feel about it.
As for being chosen, that can work when the child is young, but later they realize, that for many adoptive parents, especially those who want a baby, they in fact don't chose much, they get what's available.
I've been one of those children wheeled out to the prospective parents, as an older child(5 yrs old) , then told I'm the one, they just knew it as soon as they saw (my blonde hair, blue eyes)me, 'meant to be' then watch them slink off ,when they were told of my heart condition. Then watch as they pick another child that they 'just know was meant to be'. Those left went back on the shelf till the next parent pick. Gross.
Also
some adoptees are not allowed to have their own name or to even know it. Not allowed their own medical details and in some cases they have to guess their nationality/race. No one else is treated like this, then told to be grateful about it. This is mostly true in the States than in Europe. There are American's who can die for their country but are not allowed their birth details. (this is changing in some states, but the adoptee still has to go to court for their own details)
It's wonderful that there are people willing to adopt, it's just how it's done that is an issue. Here in the UK, I have issues with the birth cert. It would be more honest if it gave the true birth parents then had an add on with the adoption details. Instead of the pretence that the adoptive parent were the first. They maybe the best but they are not biological. All parents should be listed.
I'd be rich if I'd been paid for every stranger or new Dr, new teacher who upon meeting me (after my adoptive parents had met with them) informed me how 'lucky' I was, as soon as they'd met me, before even saying hi.
Sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread, but there are so many misconceptions about adoption. ..and forums full of adoptees who even when from happy adoptive homes (who LOVE their adoptive parents), are not happy about adoption or don't feel they can say how they really feel, due to how society sees adoption.
Those who chose not to have children, due to how they want to live their lives, are wise.
It's a pity more don't think before having children, when they don't want them or can't cope with them. This applies to those who adopt for the wrong reason too..ie to keep a marriage going that's failing or to be seen as some martyr / saviour.
I've even read a blog from a adoptive mother who adopted to 'own' that child and had high expectation from that child in gratitude and pay back. She expected that child to lick her boots..it was so outrageous adoptive parents where horrified.
Abused adoptees have it even harder, they are dismissed as ungrateful adoptees or adoptees with adoptee issues, which they of course have.
Thumbs up to those who chose not to have children, when they know they aren't up for it or don't want too for whatever reason.