Thank you very much. Today is my birthday and I've probably only cried three times so far. I'm doing good.we got a male pup, cause I figured if I got a female I would only expect her to live up to everything Marley was. So in order to avoid disappointment , I adopted my Sumo yorkie, Toby. He does have the same coloring as Marley , so she's never ever far from my thoughts. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive myself completely. It haunts me. I still cannot move my furniture around myself. I get paralyzed with fear at the thought. I have to take Izzy , and now Izzy and my Sumo Yorkie, out of the house completely or lock them outside in the enclosure I built for them so I know they are absolutely safe before someone can move anything remotely heavy more than two inches . Or I freak out and panic. I still carry her service dog I.d with me. Hell, I agreed to take Toby because he'd be a bit bigger and less likely to crawl into precarious spaces unnoticed. Most people aspire for the smallest and now I am just happy with my Sumo yorkie. I call him that because he's half her age and bigger than her already. I still slip up and call Izzy Marley sometimes. But I'm at least coming out of my fog enough to straighten my house up more often and don't spend all day in bed in the dark. Sometimes I open the windows now. And sometimes I actually get out of bed and leave the house now. So I guess I am getting better. But then sometimes I feel like the depression is part of my penance, and I feel guilty when I think I'm doing better. I don't know, I change emotions so often I can't tell where I am at real good. But I'm better than I was for sure. Thank you for thinking of me. |