It has been 4 weeks yesterday that I lost my gorgeous Dilly. It still hurts so much, I feel heartbroken and devastated. Have stopped crying so much during the day but in the evenings I fall to pieces still. When walking my other two dogs I'm constantly welling up with tears and miss carrying Dilly in my arms. I keep calling my little girl and other dogs Dilly by mistake. It still doesn't feel like it should be real, still feels like she should be here with us, laying on her spot of the bed. I'm still blaming myself, everyone tells me it wouldn't be my fault, that the two bigger dogs would have eaten most of the biscuits and that it wouldn't have made her die, and if it did it wouldn't have been as quick as the time I was out. I want to believe them, I want to think it wasn't my fault but I can't, we'll never know, and that's eating me up. I won't even let chocolate in the house anymore and am constantly panicking that something bad is going to happen to my other two dogs. I feel guilty when we all go out somewhere and everyone's enjoying themselves all apart from Dilly. I gave my dogs left over roast dinner today which Dilly used to love and felt so guilty that she wasn't having any. I still haven't been able to tell anyone other than my close family and one friend that she's gone. I just miss her so much. How is she not here? it wasn't her time! it was too sudden, she'd survived so much before and always came through like a little fighter. When will I feel better? when will I stop crying? I want her back so much. |