you have to stop beating yourself up because Jake would not want that. You brought him to the vet and it confirmed he was ok. Jake would want you to remember him and the good times and have a lil chuckle. I so believe he would not want you to join him yet.......you will one day hug and kiss him again but for now you have to stop hating yourself. It was not your fault. it is not easy to heal but I am sending you so many wishes to give yourself a bit of a break and let your heat feel just a lil better.
im so sorry if only there were the perfect words to make it all better for you.