Oh, Sandy, life happens and bad things are part of it, even with those we love the most. You never meant this awful thing to happen and it wasn't even your fault - just the way things go at times. Jake was a very old boy and what happened likely made very little difference in his end of life issues. Stop going out there where it happened, avoid the area for a while until your grief is less raw, put a rug over the area and make your mind stop obsessing over what can only hurt you. Grieve for the loss of your little friend but accidents happen every day and people make themselves ill finding guilt in something they did or failed to do. It won't change a thing.
The best thing you can do is cut yourself some slack and take a small drink of wine or a mild tranquilizer, lie down, watch a movie and rest your mind and body of this useless guilt and stress. Your old friend is at peace and done with his earthly sufferings and no doubt he had a wonderful, well-cared for and long, happy life - all provided by you and your love! Dogs rarely live that long unless they are lovingly nurtured, responsibly cared for and contented. If he were there and could talk, he would forgive you that fall in a heartbeat and have you laughing in no time. Now, forgive yourself for something you couldn't help at all.
__________________  Jeanie and Tibbe One must do the best one can. You may get some marks for a very imperfect answer: you will certainly get none for leaving the question alone. C. S. Lewis |