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Tiggerwit · 02-15-2006, 04:17 PM

This is tough. First of all I'd like to say that I haven't read everyone's advice and remember that our experiences and such may not necessarily be what's right for you, only you can make that decision. I also do not know the full extent as to why you feel the way you do. But from my experience I think you need to talk to him. I think it's important to be honest about your feelings. You may be surprised that he may be feeling the same disconnection and just didn't know how to say anything.

I was married for 15 years and felt disconnected for several years. I was was so scared of being alone that I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to my husband. I had two little girls also to think about. I tried to ignore it and things got worse. He pushed me away and started living another life so to speak, opened his own account, didn't want to tell me where he was, etc. I was making myself physically sick. I finally just did it. I told him I wasn't happy, that I still loved him but that somewhere down the line we fell out of love. I asked him to go to counseling, he asked me to move out so he could think, then he asked me for a divorce. It was very very hard. It took me awhile to deal with being on my own, it's been 4+ years and I still have a hard time with it. After moving though I realized it was the best thing ever. I never truly realized how it was affecting my kids until after I moved. I thought they were clueless. They thrived, made tons of friends, got better grades, etc. I'm not saying that that's the thing for you to do but you need to really decide what you want and what you think is best and go from there.

If you have spiritual ties then I'd suggest talking to someone in your church or if not, perhaps speak to a counselor before making any big decisions. If it's just you and not him like you mentioned, talking to a counselor might help you find out why and you may resolve the issue without ever having to hurt his feelings or whatnot.

Life is what you make out of it. Only you can make or break your own happiness. I wish you well. Good luck.

02-15-2006, 04:17 PM	#101
Tiggerwit Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX Posts: 4,596	This is tough. First of all I'd like to say that I haven't read everyone's advice and remember that our experiences and such may not necessarily be what's right for you, only you can make that decision. I also do not know the full extent as to why you feel the way you do. But from my experience I think you need to talk to him. I think it's important to be honest about your feelings. You may be surprised that he may be feeling the same disconnection and just didn't know how to say anything. I was married for 15 years and felt disconnected for several years. I was was so scared of being alone that I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to my husband. I had two little girls also to think about. I tried to ignore it and things got worse. He pushed me away and started living another life so to speak, opened his own account, didn't want to tell me where he was, etc. I was making myself physically sick. I finally just did it. I told him I wasn't happy, that I still loved him but that somewhere down the line we fell out of love. I asked him to go to counseling, he asked me to move out so he could think, then he asked me for a divorce. It was very very hard. It took me awhile to deal with being on my own, it's been 4+ years and I still have a hard time with it. After moving though I realized it was the best thing ever. I never truly realized how it was affecting my kids until after I moved. I thought they were clueless. They thrived, made tons of friends, got better grades, etc. I'm not saying that that's the thing for you to do but you need to really decide what you want and what you think is best and go from there. If you have spiritual ties then I'd suggest talking to someone in your church or if not, perhaps speak to a counselor before making any big decisions. If it's just you and not him like you mentioned, talking to a counselor might help you find out why and you may resolve the issue without ever having to hurt his feelings or whatnot. Life is what you make out of it. Only you can make or break your own happiness. I wish you well. Good luck. Last edited by Tiggerwit; 02-15-2006 at 04:20 PM.