I can feel the pain with your words, what a terrible loss. Crystal's was a freak accident as well and the wonderful care I gave her for so many years could not save her.
It is going to take some time and when you explained how you felt physically, I could relate as I felt like a truck landed on me and I couldn't get it off.
As time went on, I knew she wouldn't want me to go on grieving since she so loved to make me happy. I hope that you can see that in time because I know your sweet little muffin would want that for you.
In the meantime ((((hugs)))), hon.