[yorkietalkjilly]

Oh, you are in such agony and it is what people do when very bad things happen - blame and try to think "if only". But really, life happens and no one can ever script and carefully plan every single move of life and because we can't, because we live life and don't script it perfectly, life is imperfect at times. Life is unfair at times. People and beloved little dogs we love die and leave us. Tragedies happen and our lives are changed forever.

But those things happen to every one of us and we all have to learn how to live with what living life and not scripting life brings us. When it is good and wonderful things happen, life is good. When a horror takes place, nothing is the same and we wish we could opt out. The truth is, you could rehome Cassie to someone who may not take as good care of her and discomfit her or whatever but it won't help and won't change Muffin's dying. Her death was a tragedy but second guessing what you or your father did in those moments won't change it and won't help. If no one had gotten out of bed that morning none of it would have happened either so you can't really second guess just one or two things in the day - starting down that lane will drive you nuts.

Try to just get your breathe, seek some counseling and help with medication if you need it and get yourself some badly needed rest - just letting yourself get through the next hour at a time. Try to stop the mind reliving the tragedy and take a pill and sleep. Try to cut those "if only" thoughts off at the knees - they won't help you. They don't work - they hurt. But accepting that life comes with glories and horrors and sometimes the bad seems to overcome us but even at its darkest, people prevail. We keep breathing in and out and facing things. We keep on keeping on. We rant, we cry, grieve and rage but we go on and strive to make life better again once our worst grief gets better. And you know what - it happens. Life gets better again. It always happens when you give it a chance.

Dear Shellie, you'll face this and you'll come in time to find a way to accept was happened and find a way to get through it. You will. People do that - they go on after unthinkable tragedy, gut-wrenching grief and second-guessing and love their family, friends and their little ones and keep on loving, missing the departed, growing, looking forward and living life. We remember but we go on. It's what we do - no matter how dark life gets, we live in hope for a better tomorrow.