 Euthanizer = killer?
I am struggling with something..but im not looking for sympathy or pity just some rashional coversation.
my gidget last week was attacked in our yard by a mastiff..( i posted it earlier) i was to late to stop it, it happened so quickly.
when i found her, she walked to me and collasped and thats when she rolled over and i saw the blood i immediately rushed her to the vets..she was in extreme shock, she spendt the day there until i had to transport her to the ER in town. once there decisions had to be made...
her stomach lining was torn and her intestines and other items had spilled out and she was coated in infection..we could do emergency surgery which was $6000, w a week stay but the possibility of her surving it with the infection was slim.
she was in pain horrible pain. i opted to let her go..she was so much of my heart...
i signed he papers and held her as she slipped away...
now that the dust has settled,so to speak..i have this feeling..and it gets me in the quiet of the night.
that i signed for her death...what if i made a mistake? what if she would have rallied and made it? How could i kill her? i can honestly say she was one of the great loves in my life. i am tormented with this thought that i signed for her murder...i know she was in pain..i know it was probably the best thing for her.. but at night when the house is quiet..i question my self.
she trusted me to take care of her, and i didnt. i didnt protect her. she should still b here. she was a healthy, lively dog.
does anyone understand this feelin? |