[Carmeow]

Originally Posted by Cha Cha

I don't know any other way to give advice other than to tell you my story.

I was you at your age. I went away to college and had a long distance relationship with my now DH. After college, I did an internship in another state. When my DH finally realized without a commitment I wasn't coming back, he flew out and asked me to marry him. I said yes. To this day, it is my one and only regret. Not because I don't love him, because I do believe he's the one for me. But, I also gave up everything, my life, everything I ever wanted to do to come back to this town I hate, to be with him. Don't get me wrong, I've had a wonderful life, and have the most beautiful family, a nice home. But, I still live with the what if's. And I harbor a lot of resentment and anger because it's me that gave up everything to be with him. He knows I'd never do it again and it's been the force behind some of our biggest arguments. From his point of view, he has everything, his dreams have been fulfilled and continue to be. I make it sound terrible, don't I. I am not unhappy, I just wish at your age, I would have had the maturity to make him give up something for me. Looking back, he so easily could have relocated and we both could have had what we wanted, but I was scared if I forced the issue I'd lose it all. In a way, I still lost. Our first 10 years together were marital bliss. I was not happy in our second 10 years together because I began to feel the affects of what I've said here. However, we've worked hard to making our marriage work, and we're committed to making our third 10 years (will be 25 this year) better than the first. We've talked about all this, and he understands. Our dreams have changed and they now include eachother more than they ever have. This all sound so mushy, but it just demonstrates how incredibly hard it is to make it work even in the best of circumstances. My point is, you have to believe that you deserve to be happy and you have to decide what you will put up with and what crosses the line and you have to stick to that for you.

Thank you for sharing your story, Shelly. I did make a lot of sacrifices to be with hom and we have had multiple, pretty serious fights about it. He doesn't care for his life here. Friends, family? Pretty much disposable to him. That's why its so unfair. I had, and still have, an intense attachment to my life in South Carolina. We have discussed moving to DC after he graduates. It's not out of the question. I just struggle with that decision because I know firsthand how hard it is to be completely uprooted from everything and everyonr you have ever known. Is it even fair to do that to him when I know what its like? I would be happier in SC but it would take a lot of work to save for the move and to live on our own instead of out of his grandparents pocket.