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Originally Posted by Lil Sis  oh my... this is painful for me to read. I am trying to think of what advice I would give my own daughters. You may not like it and I understand if you don't read anymore.
first.... YOU have to take care of YOURSELF. I don't like reading you gave up YOUR life. Get your life back NOW!!!!! If you are not happy in your skin and have a life of your own ...well you are just way too young for that.
second... he is what he is. yes, he may change but most likely he will not. Why should he change, he just has to put up with your b******* every once and a while and he has what he wants. He is tuning you out... you are a broken record to him, like a parent who threatens a child but never follows through. I see it happen all the time with teachers, parents etc.
third... and old saying is look to the man's home life (parents) and that is what you will have.
I am a little shocked the mother left his disabled father, but hey I guess she was the smart one. I am just very afraid that you will wake up one day and be very bitter.
What to do? some type of counseling? you get your life in order. I am not saying walk out now, but be able to. It is funny that when you are strong enough to leave you don't have to leave and then you will be strong enough to make your stand in that relationship.
I have been married close to 30 years... I often wish I had been strong enough to walk away when I was able. I love my dh.. and as you know he is ill and I will NEVER leave now because, well I just won't.. but I do have very bad anger/depression issues. Things are better now.. but often I feel I am a doormat to him. I just don't want that for you. |
Yes, I know your husband is ill and I commend you for staying with him 'in sickness and in health'...with my boyfriends parents its a case of his mom putting up with it for 30 years and finally reaching her breaking point. He has hydrocephalus among a number of other disabilities and was verbally and mentally abusive. So I dont blame his mom for leaving.
I did give up a lot to be with him, but I had three years to think about it and I was not mentally stable while we were apart. I was extremely depressed when we dated long distance. I am happier now, and I've posted threads on YT in the past kind of seeking help on how to find myself again. I agree its not healthy for my life to revolve 100% around him things have gotten a little better, going out with friends more and having people over. I may try leaving his mess and only picking up my own. Maybe if I wrote a schedule he would have to follow it. Sad but he needs direction and structure to stay motivated. I know most people wil tell me to pack my bags. I believe I found something so special I would never find it with anyone else. He is my soulmate. My lazy, messy soulmate. I know I'm young but I just want to work it out, not give up.