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Originally Posted by broodizt  Thank you for your response. This is such a dilemma. My father has already been evaluated by the VA Geriatric unit in La Jolla and they say he has vascular dementia and this was three years ago after my mother died. I am managing his medications his doctors appointments, his meals, etc. He is getting all that he needs. I take him everywhere he wants to go by car, as the DMV finally pulled his license after I wrote them and begged them to stop giving him chances to pass the test. I told them about the time he almost killed us when we went to VSH in San Diego for my baby Muffin, and he stopped in the middle of the road with oncoming traffic heading straight for us and we escaped death by the width of a hair. I have called the Office on Aging and there are no support or caregiver groups in my area, believe me, I tried to find one. I even asked the visiting nurses to look into it for me after he came home from the hospital after his pacemaker surgery. They never helped me. But I am encouraged to try again. Maybe some new group has popped up somewhere. So it is not my father that is not getting what he needs. He is doing great physically. I see o that. I am the one not getting what I need to keep him safe. I need the support of law enforcement, the community, his doctors and the courts, and they do not support me. He is not in a Nursing Home, and he can do whatever he wants and legally there is nothing I can do to stop him. Unfortunately the community will not support me. And this is the help I really need. I know this is hard to believe. I would never have believed it myself and I am a retired social worker. I believed that doctors would cooperate with family to help keep elderly people safe, and that the law would support family members in trying to keep their elderly parents safe, but believe it or not, it doesn't work that way. It really doesn't. Freedom of will and to do what you want, even if it is unsafe, is paramount and trumps any safety issues. Unless a court of law delclares you incompetent, (and judges are LOATHE to do this because it takes away certain freedoms-you have to been really really very far gone before a judge will do this) a person with dementia can do whatever they want and there is nothing a family member can do. Even with power of attorney. Someone asked, so what good is getting power of attorney if it means nothing until the person is willing to let you take over or is completely comotose and truly is unable to make decisions for themselves. The answer is, it's NO GOOD. I have found this out the hard way by banging my head against a brick wall. It's very very sad for family and loved ones they are trying to protect. It's like having a two year old or a teenager with the terrible twos all over again, only they aren't children, and you can't control them and they can do whatever they want if they have some clarity of mind to do so. Even if it isn't in their own best interests. Thats the law. It's truly unbelievable.
I am so so sorry for such a long post. I ran away with myself for a moment there. Please forgive me.
Shellie  |
I have to agree with pretty much everything you say, POA is no good if the person is not willing to let you take care of these matters and is still able to make their own choices, even if they are wrong choice's.
I feel so bad for you being in this position, it takes a strong person to be able to care for a loved one with this disease, it is a terrible way to live, unfortunatley it may take your dad having an accident before you finally get help. But please keep looking for help for yourself and your dad. I pray you find the help before it is to late.