I have some experience with these situations both with my grandfather and at work. My grandparents retired in Florida. When my grandmother died suddenly about 16 years later it was not long before my grandfather became a magnet to all the widow women in the retirement community. They were on him like flies. There is a shortage of males in the elderly community. I guess because the females tend to out live the males in our society. I was amazed at how forward some of them were. Eventually his mind started to fail. Family had to make the trip down there to do what had to be done to get him off the road before he hurt himself or someone else. He was not a happy camper but it had to be done. No one would have stopped him until something awful happened unless the family had stepped in.
I have seen elderly people talk physicians into signing their eye test slips even though the people could hardly get themselves into the office. They play on the sympathy of the doctors. I think some doctors see them as parent figures. I remember one elderly lady who was also a cancer survivor. She could hardly walk but could still get behind the wheel of a car. I had to use a pediatric blood pressure cuff on her she was so thin and her pressure so low. She did not belong on the road. She could have hurt herself and someone else but she told the doctor that she just needed to be able to drive so she could get out of the house to have time away from her husband! The doctor had been her family physician for several years and she could twist him around her finger.
It sounds like your dad is very capable of persuading people also. You need to either call or write to his primary care physician and tell him the facts. Let him/her know that you are alarmed that your father has been allowed to continue to drive considering the health issues he has been through and his present condition. If you let them know that you have observed actions or symptoms that could endanger him or someone else(especially while driving) they will change their attitude quickly. When a family member gets involved things get taken care of. Physicians are only human and can be intimidated by people with personalities like your father's just as others are. There are a huge amount of motor vehicle accident caused by elderly drivers. My brother was afraid to let his pregnant wife drive in the area of Florida they lived in because of the number of elderly drivers on the road. They get thinking about other things and end up causing terrible accidents.
Although your dad is quite set in his ways you have to be able to stand up to him for your own sake as well as to protect him from himself. He is at that point in life where the roles have switched and you are dealing with someone who cannot make proper decisions for himself. He may think he can but just like a inexperienced teenager he really is no longer capable of making sound decisions and needs you to keep him from making serious mistakes. He may not like it but it is one of the difficulties of aging. You may want to call your area office for the aging as well as some other agencies that can help you deal with what you are going through. You are not alone. There are many families going through what you are facing and there are people who can talk to you and support you in this. |