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Originally Posted by msyorktown  Oh boy, this is a tough one. Do you have power of attorney? That would give you a say in what he can and cant do.
The doctors wont tell him he cant travel? Why not? From what I'm reading here it isn't safe for him to travel alone...who knows what he will get himself into.
Seems you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So he thinks he can do it all himself...thats the dementia talking...clearly he cant, it just isn't safe.
Sorry hunny, but he is being unreasonable...anything can happen to him out there on his own. Does he not realize ppl prey on the elderly...he WILL get taken advantage of if there is no one to look out for him.
You are going to have to take a firm hand and tell him NO. Easier said than done I know.
Maybe talk to the holistic vet and see what she recommends...I wouldn't want to leave my babies with anyone either. If my babies cant come with me, I dont go. Sorry I cant be of more assistance.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
Bless you for stepping up and taking care of your father. |
Hi MSYorktown,
Yes, I do have POA, but there is no real support for this in California without his doctors cooperation and the courts. His doctors have supported him totally even with his terrible driving, very unwilling to write the DMV to tell them he must not drive. He has them snowballed. He charms the pants off of them and calls them darling and tells them how wonderful they are. They love him. He is smart enough to know there is something wrong with him, but unrealistic enough to accept it. So he elicits the help of professionals by shmoozing them. He can be very eloquent, and the care providers do not want to alienate a patient. They have not cooperated with me at all, because when he presents to them he is up on his game. Anyone can seem together if its only for about 10 to 15 minutes. You'd think his doctors would know that, but they don't. Instead they are suspicious of the children of elderly folks thinking they want to control them. I would encourage him to change doctors, but he has the top doctors at Scripps Clinic in La Jolla and there are no better doctors anywhere. He is very lucky to have them because they have saved his life more than once. Some of them are quite famous. So changing doctors is not an option as I want him to have the best. As I've said before, I have the responsibility without any power at all. Legally, he can do anything he wants. He is with it enough so that if I took him to court for incompetence, no judge would ever take his rights away from him. He's not sick enough for that to happen according to the law. So he can go anytime he wants. Maybe I should just let him go and move back east with one of the women who are clammering for a husband from any friend or neighbor who has recently died. He is longing for a romantic relationship and does not realize that these women want to be taken care of in every way including financially. There is one woman who writes him letters telling him she is madly in love with him, that he is a god, and that she wants a chance to prove her love to him. It's very crazy. But maybe I should just let him go if he wants to and hope they will be able to care for him as well as I have and that the doctors there will be as good as here. If that happens, with fares and the girls and my health, I might not ever see my father alive again.
As for talking with my wholistic Vet, I definitely plan on doing that ASAP. Thank you for all your suggestions thoughts and positive energy. This is a tough and complicated situation. If I had the legal support of the state, and the support of his doctors, I would be in a much better position. But I do not.
So it is a very difficult matter. Sorry for the long post. :-(
Thanks, Shellie