[yorkietalkjilly]

Unfortunately in these situations the daughter usually always sides with the young man who has her ear and the strong mother figure is demonized behind her back, all the more as she desperately tries to deal with impossible situations by giving in to more and more demands, spoken or implied. The more the mom and dad try to placate the kids in order to keep their daughter from ruining her life, the less they tend to be respected and the young couple begins to play them in very sophisticated ways until all respect is gone. Once a daughter begins to lose respect for her parents, even her feelings of love are often pushed into the background as she senses she is in control. It's a no-win situation once the kids are in the driver's seat.

Steadily rebuilding your respect and control of your home with these two will gain you far more than accommodating them any more than you have. I would set my rules matter of factly and stand by them if they were going to continue living in my home. Keep your composure and remember who has ultimate control.

Kids of all ages respect and love parents who set and keep boundaries along the lines of fairness and decency. You may have learn how to accept your daughter's choices should she stay under this young man's influence but you do not have to lose further respect and her love, too. If they decide to leave, make it clear that the choice is hers to make and she is the one that will have to live with it and you will love her no matter what. If she does leave and things go south with him, she will return to parents she loves and respects, a bruised but wiser young woman. If you have lost her respect and a great deal of her love by being too weak, she may just keep going.