Just read all the posts. It seems like a family meeting with you, DH, DD,and her BF is in order. That way you can all say what is and is not expected from on another. I would put the house rules in writing and everyone needs to abide by them. Specifically spell out what is expected. If he has said you are more a mom to him than his own mom he would be more respectful of you and your stuff than he is. They same goes for your daughter- She knows you probably blame yourself for her illness and is using this against you.
If her therapist thinks this living arrangement if best than maybe the family meeting should take place at their office
. Let them see what you are going through