As far as the carpet goes - since you don't know who did it - you're doing the right thing by not punishing either one. But - you can still look at the carpet (without paying any particular attention to either dog) -- and show a lot of displeasure.
My one sweet little dog that would never go to the bathroom in the house (unless she was sick or absolutely couldn't help it) was also very sensitive.
If either dog or the cat had an accident, and it wasn't her -- she still hid under the bed for an hour or so. And, of course, the little culprit that did it - couldn't care less.
My sensitive little dog would even take the other dog's poop and carry it piece by piece and put it by the back door ---and then go hide. She was something else again.
The things you are describing are things a lot of us have experienced with pets -- or with children for that matter! I guess a little of this comes with the territory. Unfortunately - and it's hard to guess ahead of time what they might do. But - I agree - the carpet thing is bad, bad, bad....
Hang in there! I really think dogs get better when they get a little older.
Carol Jean |