Interesting thread... I just voted for your wife, because we all know the wife is always right
But really, I have an alpha type here, and let her take what she wants if the other(s) don't object. But if it is something I know the other one wants, I give it back, and give the alpha something else. Maybe it is not text book, but it works for us. And, she will just sit there and wait for the other to drop said item before she goes back for it again.
I really do believe it is individual to you and your dogs, not a one method fits all way to do it