Hubby is on board with whatever. He and i usually discuss punishmentsand things, hes just at his whits end too.
The bad part is when someone tries to teach him, or correct him, he refuses to listen. My husband is a plumber and takes him with him to work in the summers- he refuses to listen when my husband tells him how to do something. He gets an "I already know how attitude" and it irritates my husband to no end! My husband has been plumbing for 18 years and learned at the side of his dad, how to do plumbing properly. He owns his own business and needs things to be done correctly and cant afford yo go back and redo things. Time is money..... My son has only lived with us 3 yrs. Before that he lived with his biological father and his dad never did anything with him?
We have tried to explain things, and use them as teaching tools (like the lawnmower) and even took him shopping for the new lawnmower when we bought it, thinking he might appreciate it more but doesn't seem to matter. If you try to do a project with him, he wants to do it his way, not the right way, and if you try to read the instructions or pointnout hey it says slot A goes in slot B he just walks away and is done. He even does this at the hunting lease we own, and my husband is afraid to let him hunt alone becuase he refuses to listen and hes afraid he'll accidentally shoot himself or someone else. We aren't overly strict, in fact I don't even really ask much other than their room laundry and him taking out the trash. I don't expect them to do anything I would have to do if I didn't have kids. (dishes, vacuuming, taking care of my dogs).
The 20 yr old doesn't live here, she's married and has her own apartment. The 18 yr old is about to go off to college and wouldn't touch a shelf or hammer or drill if her life depended on it. She is good about including him in things like movies and outings with her and her friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt_noonie I don't have kids but I remember being a teenager  not too long ago. I'm 31 btw. Seems like your son was like me when I was a kid. Taking stuff apart just curious to see how it all went, but not remembering how to put it back. Trying to create new stuff out of old junk, I was in awe of the insides of a betamax player. LOL I am a creative, visual, hands on type person, do you think your son is this type as well? I did stuff like that, but my room was always a mess (always in mid project) I hated doing the dishes, etc, but was always working on something. If he is, I would not punish him for being creative or him trying to help, but punish him for breaking the shelf. Don't make it seem like it was YOUR project and yours alone, may make him feel shunned, like don't touch my stuff! Perhaps work on a project together, and show him how to do it correctly. Or if your dh can show him the correct way to service the lawn mower. Seems like he's gonna do it no matter what, at least show him the right way.
As far as punishment, I agree with rtsmichele take away some priviledges until you feel it's enough, and that you and dh have to work as a team.
How are the other two kids? Do they team up with eachother, and the youngest feels left out? My older sis and younger bro were always teamed up and ignored me, which is why I ended up taking all these strange hobbies and interests. |
Quote:
Originally Posted by My lil friend I still have a 20yrold,18yrold and 16yrold at the house too,go us. I tell my children that if I ask then do,if I dont ask then DONT. If you are home and he is home,he might spend some time working in the yard first thing every morning. You cannt break anything hand watering the yard,been there done that too.
My oldest (now 26) became an apprentise at the age of 15 to a remodeler,so he could learn to FIX properly,not be in my house driving me nuts during the day and was to tired to do anything except his school work when he came home.
Classes at the local community college can be taken for continued education. These are adult classes but he can learn small engines,computers and cars,,and again he will be doing something useful besides "FIXING" things at your house.
Maybe you NEED some closets rearranged? Pull everything out and tell him what you want,just keep him away from the glass stuff on the shelves. My now 18yr old son has managed to chip every pyrex 9X13 that I own,they were all in good shape until 2 or 3 years ago and started out as wedding gifts from 1980 (he is the 5th child to handle this stuff and the only one to break it). Unless he hates the kitchen,let him learn to cook. I couldnt do this,my 20yrold daughter owns the kitchen and I was afraid that the son would burn the house down. Some young men just have a VERY HEAVY hand,even when they try to be careful. |