I am not new to the picture. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. He's been separated for over 5 years and divorced for 4.5 years.
I am also a child of divorced parents. I know what the kids feel and go through. I also have 2 brothers that are close in age and how they interacted with each other also. I am familiar with the dynamics of the situation these kids are in. I lived it too. These kids seem to respect me and I don't think they purposely break things. At least not maliciously. They more are like careless and rough with things. They roughhouse and show off for friends and do not think about what can happen to things around them. So inevitably things get broken or lost or left outside and ruined in the rain/snow.
Also, yes this is my boyfriends house I moved into. But my stuff is in it. I had more stuff than he did. Its all my furniture, dishes, wall decorations, almost everything IN the house is mine or what we bought together. I own my own townhouse but we chose to rent it out since he had a house with a pool and yard and I had a townhouse. I don't want the kids to think that HIS house is his house and I am dependent on their Dad because that is so not the case at all. His house is OUR house. My house is our rental property now.
This is what happens though, I tell BF that his son broke the broom he should buy a new broom and BF says "It was a cheap broom, I'm surprised it lasted this long anyways." Completely exonerating his son from all responsibility. How can I win that? I try to say that it does not matter the cost, but that does nothing. The kids lost their allowances LONG ago and just started getting it back and now BF will dock their allowance $1 for every thing they do that they KNOW they are not supposed to. The kids do not seem to care though. We take away things but they don't care. The only thing that seemed to work on his oldest son is taking away the car for a week. He was mad about that and since then has really shaped up quite a bit. He seems to have toned down his horrible attitude and has almost stopped fighting (physically) with his brother. Amazing! Also we own a service station and he goes there to work on cars and is learning how to do basic maintenance like oil changes and tire rotations. Its really nice to see him get involved and not be so angry like he was all the time.
In all fairness, these kids absolutely should have gone to counseling after the divorce. I pushed for that many many times. But I am not their parent. If I were, they would have been in it. A few months ago I asked my BFs oldest son if he wanted to go to counseling. I told him I was getting afraid of him and I would not leave the dogs home alone with him. He told me he wouldn't go and I told him that until he is 18 he does what he is told... we had a talk about his 'toughness' and how things are in the real world in real situations. He seems to have toned himself down a bit. Thank goodness. I always tell the kids they can talk to me if they want to. The oldest wants me to take him to get a tattoo, but I told him if his parents won't agree to it I won't get in trouble with them. He gets that totally and can't wait until he turns 18 and shows me drawings of his 'first tattoo' that he has drawn himself. He said he had to get it where his mom could not see it and mentioned along his rib cage. I said what about in the summer when you are swimming with no shirt on... he looked thoughtful so I told him that if he thinks he is man enough to mark up his body permanently then he has to be man enough to tell his mother and face her lecture or consequences. Being a man does not mean you can get a tattoo or drive or buy lottery tickets.. it means being responsible for your actions and taking the consequences whatever they may be.
aahhh I'm rambling now. ... I think I am good for these kids. I just wish they were not so rough with my stuff.
I always tell them that this house is all of our house and we need to work as a team to keep it clean and nice and take care of the nice things we have in it. They should be and can be proud to say they live there because its nice.