Originally Posted by Nancy1999  Lol, who said anything about "reason and logic"? Seriously, you have to teach them that behavior has consequences, but I don't think you should "reason" with a toddler, they will win every time. There's a lot of good information available, and the why's of it are out there too. You will be sending your children a message when you discipline them; it's up to you to decide what type of message you wish to send them. I'm not a fan of "you ruined this for me, now I'll ruin something for you. In fact, telling a child they ruined anything is pretty harsh. I think the rest of the world will tear your child down, you should be a safe zone that teaches why certain actions are not acceptable in your home, but the message should always be delivered with love. Saying "I don't like this, or this is unacceptable to me" is better than "you are bad" or "you ruined this". Take responsibly of your words and use I words, instead of you words. The reason this works better is that kids are really much more sensitive than we give them credit for, and telling the YOU are something or other really hits them hard and they believe it for a long time, even if it's not true. However when you put the responsibility on yourself, then you are just telling them what you want, not what they are. Tell you kids what you like and love about them, they will live up to your words. For example, "I like it when you share, I like it when you don't hit back." Never punish when you are angry, it's okay to say, "I'm angry now, I have to think about your punishment. Kids have a great sense of fairness, and they know if the punishment is suitable to the crime. Some kids don't mind spankings, but it can damage other children's self esteem, and it mainly teaches kids that hitting is okay if you're bigger. A few spankings won't warp a child, but you should know it mainly gives the parent's a release; it doesn't help the children become better people. Your job, is to teach you child how to live and thrive when you aren't there, not just how to obey the rules. Too many adults suffer from depression, and I believe it's directly related to the way the were raised and the messages their parents taught them. Depressed adults are good people, and they follow the rules, but they often have lots of stored up anger. So you've got to decide what are my goals in raising children? What kind of person do I want them to be? |