[DamSweet]

Originally Posted by Deuce

"I told her today that when my schedule is a bit less demanding, we are getting a trainer. I don't TELL her many things but this one she isn't going to have a choice. I feel that if she isn't going to listen to me and work with me, a professional might make her listen a bit more and get her on the same page (and it will help me too where I may be making mistakes)"

It's doubtful that anyone can force her to listen to anything regarding her dog. She has to want to listen and do what needs to be done, and you can't take away her right to not do anything.
If you don't like this situation then walk away now, as it appears from this post, and many preceding it that you and your "fiance" have many many many issues with communication and don't see eye-to-eye and you are using the pup as a control tool. Couples counceling would be more beneficial and may save your relationship, before it completely unravels before your eyes. To continue to lecture her, and try to force things on her may just make her less and less willing to listen, even if she knows that it needs to be done and she can see that it's working. Before hiring a trainer that your fiance may be opposed to anyway (Not only are you telling her how to care and train her dog, but now this person that she doesn't know is coming into her home and again telling her what to do??). JMO

I have been watching for a new thread from Luvdogs2 to see the progress he is making with Bdog. It’s good to hear that there were no more accidents (I wish I could say the same – but it’s coming). I do agree with Deuces comments. I went through a similar situation with my fiancé’ when my daughter and I moved in to his home. He began telling me how I should raise MY daughter. I felt that since she wasn’t his – he didn’t have the same bond with her – he didn’t know what he was talking about. He was being a “Control Freak”! And had I of been more secure in myself I would have left him over that. So when he was around I did just what he suggested and when he was gone (he was an OTR truck driver at the time) I did things my way. I was compensating for the guilt I felt by breaking up her home. I eventually realized that the input from someone that was seeing things from a different angle than me was beneficial. But in the mean time – I really began resenting this man…HOW DARE HE TELL ME WHAT TO DO. So yes – I can see where this can be a problem in a relationship. Will you be able to compromise when it’s a child? Not everyone thinks the same – and there is nothing wrong with that – but there has to be an understanding between the two of you.

We go through this somewhat with our girls (Bridget and Greta)only now the shoe was on the other foot. Tony (the fiancé ) likes to give them treats – Bridget has LP and the vet would like to see her lose a bit of weight, and Greta seems to have a bit of a sensitive stomach – so as much as it’s making HIM feel good giving them something – it is NOT good for them. Loving them (child or pet) does not mean letting them have or do whatever they want. It’s teaching the right things to do to be a better person or companion. (I wish my fiancé’s mother would have taught him that!!) I think I finally got it through his head when I explained the damage he is doing to them, that either one could face surgery – or worse, if he doesn’t stop, or at least change what he is giving them. Just as he did when he finally made me realize how my daughter may turn out if I gave in to her whim without teaching her that there is a result from every action and choice she makes. She has grown into a wonderful young woman who has on more than one occassion thanked me for doing so many (not all) things Tony's way.

I did see though that Luvdogs2 said that he DOESN’T TELL HER many things – but he feels strongly about this, and I give him a lot of credit for that. He is trying – and he is trying hard – it would be so much easier to just throw up his hands and say this is not my dog – therefore not my responsibility.
I know that you’ve said that re-homing is not an option – and I don’t think it would be if I were in your shoes either - but let me ask you – does she feel the same way? If she does truly love this dog, and wants to keep her in your family you two need to sit down and discuss what is best for Bdog. You can’t force your fiancé to do anything she doesn’t WANT to do – but if she truly loves this dog and you suggest to her to have a trainer come in to give his opinion – you’ll make a deal with her, that if the trainer says there is no problem – you will back off and let her continue to do things her way. (I think this is what is called a run-on sentence) But if he does see a problem – she must either get in the program or suggest finding a home for Bdog. If she truly loves Bdog she will do whatever is necessary. I’m not saying to give her an ultimatum – just an agreement that you will both live by.

I think of you as a very smart man who will do what ever it takes to correct something. You will not fail if at all possible. If your fiancée agrees to this but falls down on her end and you find yourselves re-homing Bdog (because you’ve made the agreement) – you have NOT failed – at least not in my eyes. You would have made the ultimate sacrifice and succeeded in giving Bdog the home she deserves. Not to say that your home is not a good home - just maybe one that isn't so confusing to her. Again – I know you say re-homing is NOT an option – but as Deuces said – this may cause a lot of problems between you and your fiancée - is that something you’re willing to sacrifice?

I think you really love Bdog, and I truly wish you nothing but the best.

I apologize for the length; I probably should have sent this in a PM, but got going and couldn’t stop.
Again – these are just my thought and opinions – everybody has one (or two)