People generally have the same attitude towards raising children as raising dogs, she needs to be on the same page and she needs to care. How do you approach her? And, was she the youngest child growing up? I did a research paper a while back about how certain personality traits are linked with the order in which you were born. Obviously there really is no scientific evidence to back this up, but it really was very interesting reading. You seem to have an only child/oldest child sort of attitude, you want to be in control of situations and want everyone to recognize you as the leader you feel that you are. Your fiance sounds like she was the youngest child (like me) and having someone tell you what to do really only makes things worse. If the youngest wants help they will ask for it, but for the most part we like to just sit back and let things happen. It takes a lot to get us motivated (espically when it comes do doing work), and constantly talking down to us and telling us how to run things really only makes us clam up or blow up out of sheer frustration. The youngest throughout their lives are treated like the 'babies' and when we go out into the world away from our families we want to run things our way, and if we cant have it our way then we shut out the things keeping us from having it our way.
Just my opinion, sit down with your lady and find out how she feels about the situation and ask her if she wants you to help out. You need to ask her about what she wants done, not tell her what needs to be done. This is after all her dog, and her life that she has accepted you into. If she doesn't want your help, if she doesn't want the situation changed then maybe you should walk away from it all together, as your problem solving techniques may be too different and will cause lots of tension througout your lives together. I mean, just imagine you tell your son no he cant have that cookie, he waits until you're out of earshot and then asks mom and she says go ahead and have two. Then what? How do you react to that situation?
The two of you need to be on the same page, but don't try to force her onto the page you're on as she may be a few chapters behind you. Ask her for her input. |