[annabelle's mom]

> *FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.*
>
> *FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.*
>
> The following was found posted *very low* on a refrigerator door.
>
> Dear Dogs and Cats:
>
> The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
>
> The other dishes are mine and contain my food.. Placing a paw print in the
> middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
> and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to
> the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster
> than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
> comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
> sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched
> out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight
> out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is
> nothing but sarcasm..
>
> For the last time, *there is no secret exit from the bathroom! *If, by some
> miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
> the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I
> entered.
>
> Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is
> not required.
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog
> or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the
> front door:*
> *
>
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
>
> (1) They live here. You don't.
> (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
> (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are
> short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
>
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>
> (1) eat less,
> (2) don't ask for money all the time,
> (3) are easier to train,
> (4) normally come when called,
> (5) never ask to drive the car,
> (6) don't smoke or drink,
> (7) don't want to wear your clothes,
> (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
> (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
> (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children