Sounds to me as if your pup needs to be examined by a vet. I don't know what upset you about the "if he were mine" comment. That is what people on YT should give...honest advice. I can tell you that, if he were mine, he would have already been at a vet or I would have called my vet. That is the very best advice I can give. I am not even going to try to surmise what is wrong......his symptoms do not sound like something I would want to watch for much longer.
I hope you are going this afternoon as you suggested. Please let us know how he is. Hopefully it is a minor thing!
