Unless you come up with the money to pay the bill, I think you are just torturing yourself. It is a sad situation. You did what was best for her so she can get the care she needs.
At one time, I had to have a dog PTS because I could not afford surgery that they could not even guarentee the outcome.
Be greatful that she is getting the care she needs. What are you going to do in the future if it happens again, or if something else happens.
Siometimes we just need to let go and stop creating false hope.
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