Originally Posted by sushidoodidoo  My life has turned upside down since last night. I was in the kitchen cooking for the furbutts a new batch of food, when I noticed that Missy, my 13yo shih tzu was lying in the middle of the living room, breathing very heavily, in a huge pool of her own urine! That's the last time I remember my world the way it used to be....
It was around 11pm. I threw a coat on top of my pj's and rushed her to the nearest emergency clinic. By the time i got there her gums were all white, she had very low heart beat, she was panting even heavier, and I was told she could be going into shock. They told me that they need to keep her overnight to stabilize her, and do some tests to find out what it is that's doing this to her! Gave me her collar and sweater and told me to pay a deposit of $3000 and go home! Well, I paid the deposit but didn't go home until they told me that she is in ICU, a bit stablized, and they are doing tests on her and they will call me as soon as they know anytihng. I would have stayed there all night, but I was worried sick for Sushi and Mr.Big that were all alone at home. So I went back home.
About an hour later they emerg vet called me. He told me that so far they have done some preliminary tests and they can tell it's the heart that's failing, and her lungs are filled with fluids, and basically she is drowning. she was diagnosed with an early stage heart murmur a few months ago but the vet had decided to just monitor ir for now. She is also in early stages of kidney failure.
The emerg vet told me that they have to give her this medication to control the situation. It is going to be hard on her kidneys, but if thay don't she won't make it through the night. I gave them the go ahead. then they had to ask me the most difficult question of all: If she stops breathing, should we resuccitate her or should we let her go?!!.... I don't know how much you guys can relate to being in that position, but it felt like they were ripping my heart out of my chest. I asked the vet what he would do if it was his own dog. He told me it would be the humane thing to let her go if it gets to that point. Because she would immensely suffer if they get on her and try and bring her back, and even if they manage to do that (which would be very unlikely that she would in fact come back), that might give her another few weeks of misery. Not a good quality life that you would want for your loved one. So I told him if he thinks that's the right thing to do, then let her go in peace.
Please please don't judge me for having said that. At that point all I could think of was making sure she doesn't suffer. Oh god, please forgive me if I made a mistake.
The vet told me that he's not too certain that she will make it through the night. But he will call me if anytihng happens. He told me to be "prepared".All night I was sitting in bed with Sushi and Biggie, holding her collar in my hand and begging begging begging god to give her strength, to bring her back home to me, to give me a bit more time with her, so I could hold her tighter and longer in my arms, to spoil her even more than before, and to make her chicken which she goes absolutely crazy over.
I got a call early this morning that she made it. She is far from being perfect, still in ICU, still very dependant on the oxygen tent, but at least she's alert. They even told me she is being very affectionate and super cute, and making the staff melf for her.
A cardiolgist is seeing her this afternoon.(another $1000, yikes!). And then she will decide if it's ok for me to see her, or if the excitement would put too much strain on her weak little heart. It's up to the cardiologist to decide if and when she can come home. But they said maybe tomorrow afternoon, if that.
All I can do right now is sit her at work, with my cellphone right in front of me, and pretend that I'm actually getting some work done. Everytime the phone rings i almost wanna faint.
Since I came home last night without missy, Sushi has been a total pain. She's very jittery and irritable. She comes and curls herself up on my lap, stares at me and gives out these little whimpers every now and then. i'm sure she is picking up on something, she's very sensitive.
I apologize for the super lengthy post, I just had to get it off my chest. I can't sleep, i can't eat, and surprisingly I can't even cry. I constantly feel this lump in my throat that just doesn't wanna come out. I know she is not going to be with me forever, but all I can ask for is just a little more time. |