I am so sorry for your loss of Lexy. We too had a black lab named Midnight. She was a stray when we found her as a puppy and fell in love w/ her instantly. We had her for about 2 years and I've still never found another dog w/ more soul and more heart than she did. She never used to stray from our house (probably bc she had seen the pains of what it was like to be out on her own w/ nothing and then coming to such a great home and being loved) but one night she just didn't come home to our calls. (she was a strictly outdoor dog. We live far from the road and have plenty of woods and fields for running etc) My brothers, sister, mom and dad and I were hysterical and went out looking for hours. My dad finally made us go on to bed. We all went to bed but didn't sleep.(atleast I couldn't) The next morning I raced down to look in her dog house expecting to see her snoozing there like many, many days before. But she wasn't there. We went on to school only to come home to find that our Midnight's dog house had been taken off our patio and was no where to be found. A note was inside from my mom asking me to call her. So I did and she told me that dad had found her this morning on the road and rushed her to the vet. She died just barely before she made it there. The vet still looked her over and told us that she had bled to death and that if whomever had hit her had only had the heart to stop and let us know they hit her she would have survived. I've never gotten over it. Ever. I blame myself, just like you. What if I had gone on and kept looking and found her?? She could have lived.. Life's not fair and sometimes doesn't make sense to us.. Since then I think about her all the time and sometimes wonder whether I should be allowed to have the animals I have in my life.. I mean, what if I put them at risk too? You can't blame yourself. It's totally human to grieve and love your Lexy as much as you do. She isn't upset w/ you and is probably playing around w/ my midnight as we speak.
God will heal your wounds. As far as me, the only way I've been able to deal with it is that I pick up and place stray dogs as often as I can. I've picked up over a dozen different dogs and either tracked their owners down and returned them or found them new homes all together. Sometimes things happen in our lives that open our eyes to bigger things we have to do. You have every right to have and love your other two babies. We may not even know it but sometimes God puts obsticles in our way just so we can push on through and appriciate even more the things we've had along. He's always got a plan for us. And for your Lexy. You'll be in my prayers. Take care.
