[Xaleia]

Tears are flowing as I read your post.
First, thank you for coming here and sharing your pain. I don't think everyone in your everyday life, understands the pain and the loss of someone so special to you. Yes it was a dog. Yes it was an animal not a human. Yes you can love an animal very nearly as deeply as you love your own children. They are an everyday part of our lives, are they not?
Quiet warm comfort in an insane every day life.
Gentle love and joy given so endlessly, every day of their little lives.
Our confidants at times, our continual sources of smiles and laughter.
Nothing quite compares to those large eyes, peering at us from those tiny little faces.
Now... give yourself time. You have every right to mourn and grieve. Then, leave the guilt behind hon. We cannot forsee any accidents or disease that might take our little ones from us. You deserve no guilt as you gave your all to your Smokey..while he was alive and would of done anything to keep him from any pain or injury. Your not psychic darlin....
Please know that each and everyone of us here know the pain your going thru.
I had to put my Leilauni down a year ago this last Thanksgiving. I still tear up and get sad when I remember that day. It was best for her, but still in all I grieve..I feel some guilt too..as I feel I killed her....
But I did not. Disease was killing her and she was suffering.
Sometimes does not make it any easier.
Like a human child, a Mom takes on the role (willingly and naturally) where we want to protect and keep safe our children. Same with our fur babies.
God is now holding your Smokey and my Lei and the many other so loved..and the ones not so loved right now. He is bouncing and playing with Cassie, Lei, Thumper, Hang, Boscoe, Shadow, Fujji, and my first baby, Candy.
Those were my pups at one time. Smokey is playing with them and all the other angels.
*Big huge hugs* as I know you are hurting.

I waited a long time as I just could not imagine anyone taking my Lei's place. Well I have Marley now to share my home with Corkie.
He is a monster, a treasure and a fountain of smiles. He can never move aside or lessen the love of my Lei or my Cassie..etc.... but you know what? He has helped me move on and remember them with smiles instead of crying.
He has made me focus on the now and not the past. The pain is much less now and I think a new pup, WHEN YOU are ready, will help you transition and move on in time.
Right now..your heart is bleeding and may not be a good time to get another..but one day it will I hope, because it appears to me that you have so much love to give a little one.
If only all the unwanted little critters had a Mom such as you and the rest of the people here on YT.
My heart goes out to you.
Bless you and your Smokey