Awww, I am so sorry you both have to go through this. I PROMISE that one day (sooner than you think) you will be able to look at her sweet little face and not even notice that it is different than it used to be.
And you are not a horrible person at all for not being able to look at it. I couldn't even bear to look at Ralphie's stitches from his 2 hernias that he had removed...so of course you are not a horrible person. These things take time, you will both make it through this I know it
