God Bless you sweet girl! I've been fighting a long cycle of panic attacks recently (which I've dealt with off and on since the age of 15) and it gets taxing on the spirit, so I've been fighting off depression with all that I am. I never really had depression before other than the "normal" times in life but now I can relate to what you are saying. When I would laugh it would feel as though it would only get as far as my chest...no belly laughs. I couldn't feel the joy anywhere else. I felt as though I was faking it because I couldn't find my happy place inside. I haven't touched my school work and I didn't balance my checkbook for almost 4 months...just avoiding many things I was always on top of. Went to the doctor and cried because I felt like a failure. She prescribed an anti-depressant and said my brain chemistry got messed up from the meds and anesthesia resulting from my foot and ankle reconstructive surgery months ago. I left her office with my samples in a brown bag and went directly to bible study. There I cried again and was anointed and prayed over...God is faithful! I have not taken the meds...I hate meds and the side effects they can cause, so I am determined to try and get through this with His help, the love and support of my family and friends, and if need be, the vitamin supplements my chiropractor so graciously gave to me, he also attends my church, to help boost my system and fight the depression/panic. The psychiatrist I visited told me to work out or walk 30 mins, three times a week to try to get my serotonin levels up myself. I have begun walking when I can and am starting to feel a difference. I am hoping to be myself again soon...almost there. I breathe and pray a lot, and am determined to have a positive attitude, which is hard but really helps the mind.
I wish you all the best and pray that you find your happy place again soon!
p.s. It took me over 8 hours to balance my checkbook when I finally sat down to write it all in! Good luck sweetie...we are all here for you! |