I think the above posters have given you excellent advice – a short & sweet email confirming that you are happy and madly in love, and wishing your ex well is all that is needed. I wouldn’t have any contact with him from that point on … your history is just too laden with hurt and disappointment – any further correspondence probably wouldn’t be healthy for you or your marriage.
I called of an engagement to a wonderful person a few years ago. (Albeit 9 months before the wedding – certainly not days before). Since the day of the engagement I had had a persistent, nagging feeling that I just wasn’t ready for marriage – that there were things I still wanted to do first and I didn’t have peace about making a lifelong commitment just yet. I was afraid I would end up resenting my fiancé and blaming him for my thwarted dreams. So I broke the engagement, moved to Europe, got my MA and proceeded to have some of the best years of my life.
When I finally emerged from my *me me me* self-centered stage, I really reflected on the hurt I had caused my fiancé – at that time I did contact him and ask for forgiveness. I was wrought with guilt, and truly wanted to hear that he was happy … because he definitely deserved to be, and because I needed relief from my own agonizing sense of culpability. I was genuinely thrilled to hear that he was engaged to a wonderful woman who was so compatible with him, and it allowed me to completely close that chapter of my life and move on.
Give the guy that much … he might finally and honestly just have realized what he did to you and need to hear that you forgive him, even though your under no obligation to do so. But beyond that, you owe him nothing.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason. In the end, my calling off the wedding probably saved my fiancé a lifetime of misery being married to me.
It sounds like your ex saved you from similar misery. Thank him for it, and move on.
And tell your husband.