[jencar98]

I'm sorry you're going thru these emotions right now. Understand they are perfectly normal feelings. Although you do, you shouldn't feel guilty about what you've said in the past about your Dad, anymore than you would have wanted your father to feel guilt for choosing his path in life. And trust me, I know he probably did feel horrible guilt. But you wouldn't have wanted him to hurt like that and he would not ever want that for you either.

I've been thru numerous deaths of my dearest family members and know how you feel. I won't go into details as they are not important. What I will say is that when I've felt as you are now, the best medicine for me is to find someone else that needs help. Something about helping others will always lift my spirits and make me feel good.

Time will take the edge off of your pain, it doesn't ever leave you but the sharpness of the pain does get better.

Hope I've said something that will help you get thru this day and I'll be keeping you in my prayers! Hugs!