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Charlies Angel · 02-05-2008, 11:05 AM

I'm having an emotional day today. Last year, January 27, 2007 to be exact my dad died from liver cancer. That was the hardest most HORRIBLE experience I have ever had. My dad and I were never close, he chose drugs, alcohol, and his so called "friends" over his own family. He was in and out of my life sometimes for 4 or more years either he was in prison,my parents were "separated", or he just moved out.. Needless to say, we were never really close...I'd let him him...and as soon I had my daddy back and felt safe he'd walk out. Thankfully the last year I had with him we made up, he became "normal" and he was finally my daddy again. I've said such hurtful things to him in the past, I even said, "When I get married I don't want my daddy to walk me down the aisle and could care less if he was dead." I hate my words. My dad died 6 months before my wedding. I have lived with the guilt since then and I just want to kick myself in rear for being so stupid and mean. After my dad died I realized how much he really did love me and it took God taking him out of my life to figure it out. He may have not been there but somehow he made sure us girls had absolutely everything we wanted. I cant recall once that I said "Thanks". I feel like I've failed as a daughter and could have done more. After he died I quit believing in God and pretty much everything. I hated life and honestly still do. I lost my faith and my soul. My spirit is in such turmoil and I've prayed and prayed and nothing seems to get better. I just dont understand why God had to take my daddy away and I guess I never will. For a while everything seemed fun, but today just because my car is having some type of transmission/or brake problem I dont know yet (daddy always did everything for my care and I was just thinking if ONLY he were here) , I flip out and start thinking of the past and all this guilt is just weighing me down and I'm going back into my funk...Sorry so long I just needed to vent and maybe someone out there understands and has some type of wisdom to offer I feel lost and helpless....

02-05-2008, 11:05 AM	#1
Charlies Angel No Longer a Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Georgia Posts: 311	Does life ever get better after death? I'm having an emotional day today. Last year, January 27, 2007 to be exact my dad died from liver cancer. That was the hardest most HORRIBLE experience I have ever had. My dad and I were never close, he chose drugs, alcohol, and his so called "friends" over his own family. He was in and out of my life sometimes for 4 or more years either he was in prison,my parents were "separated", or he just moved out.. Needless to say, we were never really close...I'd let him him...and as soon I had my daddy back and felt safe he'd walk out. Thankfully the last year I had with him we made up, he became "normal" and he was finally my daddy again. I've said such hurtful things to him in the past, I even said, "When I get married I don't want my daddy to walk me down the aisle and could care less if he was dead." I hate my words. My dad died 6 months before my wedding. I have lived with the guilt since then and I just want to kick myself in rear for being so stupid and mean. After my dad died I realized how much he really did love me and it took God taking him out of my life to figure it out. He may have not been there but somehow he made sure us girls had absolutely everything we wanted. I cant recall once that I said "Thanks". I feel like I've failed as a daughter and could have done more. After he died I quit believing in God and pretty much everything. I hated life and honestly still do. I lost my faith and my soul. My spirit is in such turmoil and I've prayed and prayed and nothing seems to get better. I just dont understand why God had to take my daddy away and I guess I never will. For a while everything seemed fun, but today just because my car is having some type of transmission/or brake problem I dont know yet (daddy always did everything for my care and I was just thinking if ONLY he were here) , I flip out and start thinking of the past and all this guilt is just weighing me down and I'm going back into my funk...Sorry so long I just needed to vent and maybe someone out there understands and has some type of wisdom to offer I feel lost and helpless....