It's been 7 days... to the hour....
(at least it was when I started writing this... minus a few "bawl breaks") ugh!
Physically, I'm doing better.... the welts are still visible and I'm still a bit itchy, but much improved. No more nausea except when I have the little "melt-downs" from time to time... and then my stomach starts to turn a bit..... but I'm sleeping a good 4 hours at a time so I suppose that's something.
Trying to keep myself occupied..... obsessing about stupid things.... and still deeply missing my angel.
We brought her ashes home and of course, I didn't handle that well.... (for future reference, and forgive me, but at the risk of offering a quite graphic image, I'll leave it at this.... just don't EVER open the container!!) - - - I, needless to say.... did...... and shouldn't have....
(NO, I didn't spill them..... they're sealed inside a plastic bag and then inside the glass container)
So, I've yet to find an urn or something special to permanently hold Natalie's ashes.... and I'm not sure really if I want to seal them up just yet.
I've read of some lovely things you can do with the remains... my favorite being the "LifeGem"..... diamonds created with a lock of hair or a loved one's ashes....
They run into the thousands, but I hope to eventually do at least something small with LifeGem....
I'm not partial to the "scatter gardens" - - I don't know why.... and with Natalie having been soooo tiny... and cold, most of her short life... I just can't bear to put her in the ground..... so buring her ashes is out of the question...
(Yes, I know, the remains are JUST that of her body.... the mere shell that contained her precious soul - which has now left this place... but all the same... I can't do it)
Gracie and I have "recommitted" ourselves and I'm much more comfortable with her now..... she is such a little mama's girl.... she has become SO "clingy" since Natalie's passing.... it's precious.
So................... it's been tough..... and I still have a ways to go.... but I think we're getting there.
Thanks to the love, support and constant prayers of all of you - I know we'll be okay....
May you be blessed my friends,
Dena |