I am a bridesmaid AGAIN to my other best friend. (my other one just got married a month ago). Now this friend got engaged to her ex, they went from 'single' to engaged overnight last weekend and she is DIVING headfirst into the wedding planning for Oct next year. Plenty of time and all but she is gung ho about planning, all crazy!
I am a grumpy bridesmaid.
2 years ago I was engaged to a guy I was with for almost 10 years. He broke it off and since then I cannot seem to muster any enthusiasm for marriage, weddings, etc... I have no trust in men anymore, I have a HUGE fear of commitment, and I don't believe in the integrity of relationships and marriage at all anymore. So now i have like 5 people around me getting married, 1 im in, 2 I have to go to all next year. I swear its all wedding talk around me 24/7.
I know Im a big baby and I need to get OVER IT! But I don't know how to. Ive been to therapy, Ive read EVERY self-help book on getting over a relationship, a loss, a divorce, etc... and nothing has helped! Im still sooo
, bitter and
by it and its been over 2 years since we split and my life is pretty good. Except Im 31, single and WANT to be married, want a partner, children, etc... but am too scared and too jaded to even give anyone a shot! Then I am depressed that I have noone!! I feel like I am NOT normal at all!
Worst part is, and I think this is a real issue, I never told my ex OFF
. I have always been so careful to be nice
. Like I needed him to see that IM not a psycho female like he says all females are. I dont know why I still feel the need to prove that. I NEED and should just tell him off and get him out of my life for good. When I start to get cranky on text or email he signs off cuz he does not want to hear it. Everything needs to be sooo pleasant and happy for him all the time. Hes such an idiotic, ignorant meat head and I need to get him out of my life for good! Im thinking about writing a letter telling him everything I feel, it will be a letter to make him realize the depth of what he did and how he cannot make it up to me EVER and it will (hopefully) make him not want to contact me EVER AGAIN!!!
Thanks for reading!
