Well folks, I sincerely appreciated all your advice and kindness...After about a week of feeling like poop and Mr. Jerk deciding that he wanted me again, then confessed he was with someone else, then tried to take it back and wanted me again, and I had it. I told him for the first time in this entire four years to get lost. It has been really hard for me to not call or email him, but I am thus far staying pretty strong with it.
I do agree as many of you had suggested something very wrong with me as well in this situation. It started out as a sort of need to try to care for this man, and I thought the problem was he had never had anyone that really cared for him. Eventually he just wore me down the things he did eventually took a pretty heavy tole on my self esteem until it got to the point that I was unable to judge the situation realistically. I started blaming myself for the way he treated me so eventually the relationship became sort of this wierd chasing game in which I was constantly try to be good enough for him.
In a lot of ways I became isolated as well, because he would constantly veer between being extremely possesive and jealous or aloof and unaffected by anything. Eventually to be honest it embarrassed me, so I avoided people. Truth be told I was afraid of what sort of mood he would be in because he is sort of a dual personality and everything really depends a lot on his moods. He was always either exceptionally charming or exceptionally cruel, no matter what he was always very convincing and could always sort of con and manipulate me. The relationship would always swing from great emotional distance to extreme closeness. He would humiliate me intentionally rather frequently. I just felt trapped basically.
I think it is going to take me a long time to work out these issues. I also think that I will likely need to seek a therapist to help me with this. Let this be a cautionary tale to all ladies out there run, do not walk, away from a guy at the first sign he may be a wierdo! |