Allen,
Thank you for the encouraging words. In fact I had read through your entire thread and that is what gave me the courage to post. I was blaming myself for this - the "if only's". Then my boyfriend said he had planned on replacing the garage door this year along with the opener (and sensors) but decided he'd rather take me on vacation. I will admit I had some anger. I'd give up all the vacations of a lifetime to have her back. I tried so hard to keep her safe. I felt like he was irresponsible.
Then I told myself this wasn't fair to him. I could tell how hard he was taking this as well. This little girl had touched his heart, too. I had been just as irresponsible for not keeping better track of her. I KNEW how dangerous a garage was or letting a dog run loose. She could have seen a bird across the street and taken off after it only to be hit by a passing car. There are so many things that could happen. The anger was now directed at myself.
Now, I try to mentally tell myself enough is enough and redirect that energy to something more positive. I told myself no matter what that was Mouse's day to go. She had been on this earth for a purpose and she did it. She gave me so much. I need to learn from her and move on.
My boyfriend took me to PetAngel where I picked out an urn. I also recieved a plaster of her little paw, a cut of her hair, and a death certificate. I told Colleen, the owner, it gave me closure. Mouse taught me how to be feisty, see adventure in every little thing and, of course, love unconditionally. I think I made her cry.
It's still not easy but I've made it through today without totally breaking down. However, yesterday I did just fine until around the time in the evening when she died. I'm hoping I can get through tonight without crying too much. Like I said I want to redirect that energy.
I take it day by day. Sincerely, Mouse's Mommy
