[Maizee Grace]

I know I haven't been on here in a while, but I needed to come here for support. I lost my beautiful baby girl yesterday. She was such a wonderful puppy and not a second goes by that I don't want her back. I think she knows how much I loved her and will continue to love her, though. I'm carrying so much guilt for the way things could have been and I'm wondering if I was part of the reason she isn't with me today. I took my sweet little 6-month old baby into the vet's office on Wednesday afternoon and kissed her goodbye for the last time as I handed her over to strangers. She had an appointment for Thursday morning to get spayed and they asked that I bring her in the night before so they could run tests and make sure everything was alright before proceeding with surgery. She made it through the surgery just fine, my strong little baby. But soon after she started regaining consciousness, her little heart stopped. I guess it was her time to go, but I wasn't ready to let her. They tried for 20 minutes to resuscitate her, but no luck. I was so excited for my little girl to be coming home today. I would have been picking her up in an hour and a half and staying home from work to be with her. I received the phone call yesterday shortly after I got to work. The vet started by saying the operation went well. This lifted my spirits since I had a bad feeling about taking her in. He then went on to say that there had been complications, but she was still hooked up to the monitors. My first thought was that something was wrong, but I still had hope my strong little baby would pull through. It was then he told me she didn't make it and I broke down. I have had so many feelings running through me: anger, guilt, sadness. There are so many things I wish I could have done with her before she was taken from me, but I guess everyone feels that way. I'll never be able to fully recover from the pain I feel. A couple of people I work with said that I should look for a new puppy to ease the pain, but I think that would be disrespecting my baby girl. I don't want anything to take away from her precious life. I just need some support because I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my chest. I'm not able to eat, to sleep. I haven't even been able to go home since. Everything reminds me of her and I feel as if I'm all alone in feeling this way, even though I have a very supportive family. My fiance is taking this pretty hard as well because he loved that little dog so much. She touched so many hearts in such a short time. I just wish there was something to ease the pain, but I think I'll have to wait it out. I keep remembering the song by Tim McGraw and thinking of my own little girl who I'll miss so much.

Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.
Gonna tell you how much I love you,
though you think you already know.
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born.

A beautiful baby from the outside in.
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!".

I love you Reeny Bean. I always will. . .