[LoveMyGirlz]

I don't know if I can type through the tears...so I apologize now. My husband and I just made the hardest decision we've ever made I think. Just an hour ago, we laid our Lexxi to rest. She lost her fight to hydrocephalus after just 3.5 years of age. She was so robbed of a good and long life-it is so unfair! It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to come to you for support. She had stopped eating and was sooo sooo skinnny-bless her heart. I started syringe feeding her 3 days ago in hopes that would give her strength. I guess it was too late. She could barely stand up...and the poor thing walked in circles almost continuously, as a result of the hydro-and she still tried but fell and would just stay were she fell-usually on her peepad. My husband said to me yesterday "Lexxi had a tear in her eye and told me she doesn't feel good" - you can imagine how the tears fell to hear him say this. However, HE (ray) was the one who could not be convinced that this was the best thing for her. We took her to the dr late yesterday for some meds to possibly stimulate her appetite and for a shot under her skin to hydrate her. I ran to baby's r us and bought a crib bumber for her cage because she kept walking into the rails head first. Just after we went to bed, she started having a seizure but she was still walking, pushing her head down into any corner she'd come to. She lost control of her bladder and all. My husband wrapped her in a blanket and slept the entire night with her on his chest. I took over at 5:30am so he could run to work. He came back at 8am and she had had at least 8 seizures in my arms while he was gone. I called the dr and we knew what we had to do.
You cannot imagine how that drive to the dr was. You aren't supposed to plan your babies death. It was so hard knowing we were on our way to do this. We question ourselves if we did it too soon. She cried and howled all the way there. When we arrived they put us in a room with a comforter on a table. They explained the process and took her for the catheder. They brought her back and let us be alone with her. When we were ready, we called the dr in and she began. We said a prayer for her and talked to her. They gave her something to sedate her first. And then the anesthesic. She passed so quietly and peacefully. Like she didn't even have one breath left in her to give...she didn't elimate either and I'm sure there was nothing in there. We covered her tiny, frail body up with her blanket and they escorted us out. I cant get the image out of my head. I am making myself sick. And my poor husband sobbed right along with me. We are having her cremated and her remains back with us.
Poor little angel went through so much in her short life. The whole story is sad. I know she is in a better place now, but it wasn't fair. And it surely doesn't make it easier. The house is quiet, even with Vixxen, Truffles and Gemma running around.
And just yesterday I wrote about Papi and that I never visit this section of the forum, because I'm not that strong. And here I am.
Please send a prayer to her for us. We love her and miss her already.
Thank you for listening to my story. RIP our little Lexxi Angel....
Trina