Hello everybody,
How is everybody doing today? I am feeling a little better, but my eyes say it all. I haven't stopped crying since Monday. My baby was exactly 5 months old on that day. If you guys could've seen him that morning. You would know a little of the pain I feel in my heart right now.
I got up as normal. My husband slept on the couch with Chu downstairs to give me a break. I felt guilty for sleeping upstairs without him. We were doing this so Chu could walk around and not bump into anything. That became pointless a while ago because Chu couldn't walk anymore.
So anyway, I got his breakfast ready and kneeled down to feed him. Sometimes I would have to hold his little head straight so he could eat. He looked so warm in his bed so I didn't take him out, I just propped him up so he could eat. At first he just turned away and didn't want to eat. I worried and begged to him, please Chu, eat a little bit for mama, (its a baby cereal mix). He I kept the food close to his face and he tried to eat a bit. He looked like he wasn't enjoying it, kind of like it was gross or something. And then I gave up, I said ok Chu, maybe you'll eat later for Daddy.
I picked up his stuff and was about to get up, when I heard him bark at me! He hadn't made a sound in days and I was so excited. Chu doesn't really bark, trust me, if you were to hear it, it's more like a chirp. I knelt back down to smother him with kisses when I noticed why he chirpped at me. He wasn't breathing well. I picked him up and almost screamed when I saw how HUGE his tongue was and it was almost completely purple! I told my husband I was gonna rush him to the emergency room.
At the er the Dr stabilized him and took another xray. After a long wait he showed me the xray and said his lungs looked better! However, his heart was looking a little large. Dr asked if it was ok to do an ultrasound on his heart to see what was going on. I said ok I'd wait. I went home and waited and waited and waited.
Thats when I got the call. Chu's heart was fine. They saw his brain through his thin small scull. The way Dr V explained the swelling to me (because when I call him he explains things differently) was that the brain fluid gets pulled outward and that's what causes the pressure. The Dr says its congenital? but I have my doubts. I can't help to think it was something that somebody "did" to chu that caused it. Was it the vaccines? Did they overdose the antibiotics in the hospital? Could they have done something to save him if they found this sooner? I don't know.
Like my husband tells me, I just have to let it go. We made the decision that was best for Chu, regardless of how it started, there was nothing that could be done to change his condition today or reverse any of the damage to his little body. He had such a brave little heart and he will always be with me. I remember every inch of him and how much of my soul I gave to him. A piece of me died with him, there is no doubt about that. I will always wish that I could've had more time with him. I'm sure he had a lot to teach me about life and patience. And especially love. My husband and children were in the room as I held Chu for the last time. We were there for him as a family and thank God for that. We should be getting his ashes in 7 days. And yes, my husband has already ordered a special urn for his remains. I will include that info later. That's another very special story...
Sorry if I repeated some info here, but my brain is a mess. The memorial page my husband created is just remarkable. My husband also orded one of those tapestry blankets with Chuey's picture on it for us. It's really nice also. Here's Chu's web address again...
www.chubaca-chuey-gomez.critters.com
Thank you for all your prayers and support. My baby is resting in peace now with no more stiffness and he's able to walk and run. Next time I see him at that rainbow bridge, he'll be running to me...
I miss you Chuester, mama loves you soooo much.
