I just wanted to let you all know how the last 8 months of Molly Muffins life went, in case any of you ever face this dreaded illness.
Molly had an excellent quality of life until just before the New Year.
She was her regular old self, doing everything she normally would. You really would not have known that she was ill, except for the small decrease in appetite.
We were pleased that because we chose not to have the surgical biopsy she was able to enjoy her life to the fullest for much longer than the doctors thought. We had some bonus time with her.
But right after Christmas, she started vomiting and having diarreah occasionally. Though she almost always managed to make it outdoors and keep her dignity, right up until her last day.
In the afternoon of 1/1 she had a mini seizure outside in the yard.
The evening of 1/2 she had a mini seizure in our home.
We were going to put her down when our vet returned to the office on 1/3,
but he called in sick. Which ended up being a good thing because she started rebounding big time.
She was well enough that you wouldn't think she had to go down. So we took her in so our doctor could just exam/see her, since the last time had been in November for a regular vaccination (and they were amazed at how well she was then-pink tongue, bright and alert!). But this time her tongue was not pink, but grayish pink, and so were her gums and eye tissue. He said she was very anemic. He gave us an antibiotic to give her to help settle her stomach, and it did help.
But by 1/16, she was sliding downward again. Her belly looked like she had a regular size melon in it. There was a lot of fluid along with her enlarged liver. She was losing fat tissue and muscle mass. She was skin and bones. It was difficult for her to walk without stumbling-it was an effort for her to balance that belly. It was an effort for her to greet my husband when he came in from work. Sometimes, when she was weak, her back had a sharp 'V' shape.
Then she had a bigger seizure the morning of 1/19. I took her out ot go potty at 4am and it was snowing. She had a seizure and collapsed unconscious in the snow. I picked her up and I thought I had lost her, but no. She was breathing, and started to come to inside. But she was lying there so limp all morning.
We took her into the vet to put her to 'sleep' at noon. On the drive there she started to perk up, and in the office she was really rebounding, awake and curious about what was going on. Going through with the decision will haunt me forever. If I would have brought her home and continued to nurse her, maybe she would have had another rebound? I will never know. I don't like playing God and deciding who gets to live and who gets to die. This is so difficult for my husband and I to live with. Truly the hardest thing we have ever been through.
I prayed for God to give me the strength to know what to do. I prayed for Molly to please let me know when it was time. But honestly, I can't say I feel either 100%. If she had not started perking up in the car and the doctor's office, I would have more peace with my decision. Everyone says we did the right thing, including our vet, but it doesn't feel like it.
I had researched pet euthanasia online, and there is a movement out there that believes in letting them go naturally. All I know is we were in limbo and it is hell. The bottom line is there is no cure and no miracle that was going to save her, but we had her comfortable. She was not in pain, according to our vet, but living with discomfort, as many of us live with discomfort everyday. but how far down could we stand to see her go? The seizures were very upsetting to witness. She wasn't eating much at all, she was not enjoying any of her favorite things anymore, except being with us. Molly would have been 11 years old on February 9th. She will never be a teenager...
We are having her privately cremated and she will be returned to us within 2 weeks. I am waiting for my angel. I will feel better when she is with us again. When I die, I want her with me so we can always be together.
For now, all I have is a small amount of her beautiful hair clippings.
I hope that my experience can help someone else out there. We could have really used support form another family that went through this.
God Bless our Yorkies.
