And I know how it feels. There is nothing that anyone can say that will make you feel one iota better. You just have to grieve. In His kindness God has allowed for time to heal us when we experience such tremendous loss. You will never forget her, but in time the hurt won't be so fresh and raw. Not that saying this helps you any right now, but time will take care of you.
My heart really goes out to both of you but most especially to your boyfriend. That's because I know exactly how he feels.
A couple of years ago I had a cockateil and a parakeet. Got them both at the same time. Cockateil for me, parakeet for my granddaughter. Hand feeding the cockateil was fine. Not so with the keet. I ended up force feeding him and thought for sure he was going to die. It was very difficult. I called the breeder crying many times. Finally she told me that sometimes it is best to just let them go. I wouldn't. I smashed seed on my dining room table so he could eat because he couldn't open it yet. Well he lived. I rejoiced. Sweetest little bird you ever saw. Even after all that trauma, he was never a biter and quite affectionate as well. Amazed me.
After three years.....I agreed to keep an eight year old girl for my ex-son in law. The girl's mother (not my daughter...his next wife) was a druggie and the girl was living in deplorable conditions. So she came to stay with me for awhile. Well...she wanted to take the birds out together. First I said no, but finally gave in. I had put the cocker spaniel outside so there wouldn't be any problem there, even though we had a short wooden barrier to keep her in the kitchen on the linoleum because she had problems.
Things went well for the first few minutes. The 'keet was aggravating the 'teil and playing around. Both had clipped wings because of ceiling fans and such, but they still try to fly. The parakeet made a short low flight toward the kitchen, landing on the side of the wooden barrier. It's little tonails got hung in the wood and it was struggling. I went to rescue it and as my foot went down in the last step and was nearly on the floor, he came loose and landed directly under my foot where I was stepping down. My foot was only inches from the floor and my weight was already into it. It happened so fast I didn't see it coming. And yes...I stepped right on him and squished his little life right out of him. And then I lost my mind. Really.
I walked back and forth a couple of times and though I would go crazy...and finally got outside in my driveway. I was totally hysterical. I felt like howling and I think I did for a bit. The poor child kept patting me and reminding me it was an accident. Yes. It was. But that was no consolation for what I had done. It took me a very long time to calm down a bit and my friend came over to help me through it. But.... it's the kind of thing that makes an imprint on your very soul and it takes a lot of time....a very lot...just to get through it. Even today, when I think about it, as now....it still makes me feel sick way down deep.
Though it is difficult, I do hope that you two will be able to comfort each other. In such a desparate situation, you both need it. I pray the Lord will restore you soon.
Bless you both.
Sammi