 Can you relate??
Dear Kotex,
I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my panty liner had a bunch
of
Kotex "Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:
Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed
a
set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that drinking 6-8
glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. Like we need more
fluid
inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I
triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what
happens and report back. I'll wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the
only
activities that interest me are
eating..sleeping..bitching or crying for no apparent reason.. ..and
oh...does ripping someone's head off count as a friggen' activity??
Look, females don't need or want "tips for living" on their feminine
hygiene
products. DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or
flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the crap in a
plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have
it
blend in among the
wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding
pink
package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why
don't ya
just add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce
that...helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag! So take your
tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and shove them
right up your ass!
P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon
to
your packages instead?
--
All I've got to say is - Bring It On! |