Wishing you good luck in which ever direction you go.
We have 4 barn cats who are feral -- we adoped them from an organization here that traps domestic cats that have been abandoned and return to the wild state. This organization sterilizes them gives them shots and then releases the cats back into the wild. My cats ARE NOT pets, they are working barn cats. Funny thing, they don't like humans touching them, BUT any time Boo the Boxer is at the barn or one of the Yorkies makes a "break for it" they will rub and love all over them.
The point of this post is.....
I don't know.
SENDING YOU HUGE
. I know you love your cats and you are torn. I would imagine your heart is breaking.....