[Judith]

Hello,
I've written before about my little 8 year old Yorkie, Molly,and how she has suffered with a Collapsing Trachea for the last year and a half. She had had a rough "other" life and was probably showing signs of Tracheal Collapse when I got her but we fell in love at first sight. She knew she'd found a good thing when I brought her home. Her first bad attack wasn't until last Christmas, when she started honking and choking. I rushed her to the Vet Hospital and they struggled to save her. I did everything in my power to help her. I got rid of candles, perfumes or anything she might be allergic to...I replaced her collar with a harness. I stopped lifting her, fearing it would bring on an attack. In the morning I'd move my office chair over to the bed and wheel her into the living room, so she could walk onto the sofa. But there were other attacks and seeing her tongue and gums turn blue was horrific. Her next bad attack was in April. They did X-rays this time and I could see the flattened trachea going into her lungs. Surgery was not an option for this type of collapse. The attacks started coming closer together and I lived in absolute fear that she might choke while eating, etc. She was put on a strict diet and our walks became more leisurely and only in the early morning before it got hot. It was then that I heard about a new surgical procedure in TN for this type of collapse. For a while I was euphoric, but the cost was $3000, not counting the airfare, accomodations, etc. I added up what I had already spent since Christmas and it was almost $2000. I'm on a fixed income so you can see, it just wasn't an option. My Vet said there were no guarantees, anyway, so I decided to just enjoy what time we had left. She was so spunky and such a fighter. I have loved her for three years and it seems like she was with me my whole lifetime. Her last attack was last Friday- This time she didn't bounce back. Mostly, she slept, although her appetite was still good. My Vet said it might be "time" but I couldn't face it. I spent most of the time holding her, which she loved. Sometimes she spent an hour just licking my face. I decided I loved her too much to let her suffer. The next day I took her to Steak-n-Shake and she had a cheeseburger and french fries! Suddenly she got her spark back and even bounced around a while, going on two walks in one day. I had a wonderful lady Vet come to my home. My family was there and I held Molly in my arms. To tell you the truth, Molly loved being the center of attention. She was at home where she belonged. We all petted her and I whispered in her ear how much I loved her. No more scarey Vet Hospitals, no more pain and fear. She was so peaceful and sweet.
Honestly, my guilt is gone. The problem now is getting used to living without her. My God, I miss her sleeping in my bed, and following me from room to room. There is a hole in my heart but I am thankful that I had her in my life. Everyone in my little neighborhood loved her- She was so much fun and such a good girl. My apartment is quiet now and I can't really afford another dog, which is OK, because there will never be another Molly May. Her ashes will be buried with me and we'll be together for eternity.
Judi Goodwin